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I strongly believe every parent needs to fully understand and research, What does Courtship Mean?

What does Courtship mean


My Story

I was a typical teenager growing up. I had great parents who wanted the best for me. They definitely were not overprotective, but I believe they did want they thought was best. I am grateful. They love me dearly.

I had several boyfriends in high school and most, if not all of them, were unhealthy. I had premarital sex and honestly didn’t think it was wrong. Heck, everyone else was doing it. 

I went to college and had the same experiences. I was in unhealthy relationships and was having sex. Now don’t get me wrong, I had standards and didn’t just jump in bed with anybody. Like I said, I was a typical teenager and young adult. I lived a sinful life. 

When I met my husband at 25, I had a college degree, a job, and was living on my own. The first time we had premarital sex, I got pregnant. Yes, we used birth control, but it failed us. Imagine that?

Telling my parents was an absolute nightmare, My mom was so ashamed and angry at me. Our relationship was estranged. My poor dad was trying to be the peacemaker, but still being married to my mom. Needless to say, he wasn’t very good at playing the peacemaker role. Bless his heart. 

My husband and I married and had 5 more children after our first son. We figured why use birth control when it doesn’t work anyhow. (I’m totally kidding).

So in a nutshell, yes, God does work all things for good, but I carried around a heavy burden for 16 years. I dreaded the day I was going to have to tell my son, that we were pregnant before we were married. We are a strong Christian family. How on earth would he understand? Would he think we didn’t want him? All these thoughts were always constantly stirring in my mind. He is 17 now and  knows the “secret” I was carrying. (another blog post entirety coming soon)

End of my Story

My husband and I knew there was a better way than the typical dating process than what we encountered as teens and young adults. 

Please don’t misunderstand me, God has dismissed and has forgiven me. I have no doubt, but I just don’t want my children to have to deal with Satan like I did due to poor choices.

It can be avoided.

Honestly, I just wasn’t aware of any other way than the typical dating scene. And I am certain I wouldn’t have gone that route anyhow since  I wasn’t a Christian.

When my oldest was very young, I came across the term, courting. I did research and read books on the subject.

After much prayer, we decided we would instill the idea of courting with our 6 children. We are aware that what they do when they leave our home is between them and God. It’s just our job as parents to plant seeds.

I require my teen-aged children to read the book, B4udate. It’s a very informative book that explains the different forms of dating and courtship. They read a chapter than we discuss it. I highly recommend the book to all Christian families.

Here’s Our Family’s Definition of Courtship 

And just for the record, the Bible doesn’t mention courting or dating.. Our convictions strictly are a result from how we should behave as Christians according to Scripture. We only know too well that hormones are racing and sex is a natural desire. Our goal is to help avoid or minimize the temptations as much as possible for our children. 

  • Courting means you only court one person at a time. It’s built on friendship and the current goal is to get to know one another on a deeper relationship.
  • Family and community are central in order to make the courtship work successfully. Both approval of parents are required.
  • Group activities are required and no individual dates are accepted.
  • Commitment precedes intimacy. Not vice versa. 

Often people say, I am over protective and my children will go crazy when they leave the house. Maybe they will, but guess what? I was given the freedom and I made very poor choices. So I am not buying the overprotective argument. In essence, I went crazy.

And still will claim, I still am. lol!

I understand and support that each family needs to discuss and make the right rules for their family. I’m not saying my way is the only right way. These are just our family guidelines that we have chosen for our family. 

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I would love to hear your thoughts about what does courtship mean to your family? Have you considered it for your children?