I speak from the heart and with the perspective of experience on the heartbreaking topic of miscarriage. Many people don’t like to discuss it.
I know too well the pain that only one who has experienced first hand a loss of this kind can fully fathom. I don’t believe you can truly grasp this type of loss unless you have personally encountered it.
The pain is heartbreaking.
The loss is tremendous.
It leaves a hole in your heart with so many unanswered questions.
Miscarriage is very common, and some go through it while not even realizing they were pregnant.
However, there are the ones who grew to love, plan dreams for, and cherish their babies with their whole heart like I did. The baby was part of our family.
There’s nothing more disappointing than to realize your baby has no heartbeat. I remember staring at the sonogram screen with tears just flowing in masses after the doctor told me that my baby was no longer had a heartbeat.
More than once.
I can’t adequately describe the heartache and deep loss that’s involved in losing your unborn baby. Not once, not twice, but numerous times I wept over never being able to hold and caress my child’s sweet face. It’s a feeling I wish no one would ever have to encounter.
The days, weeks, and even months after the miscarriage can be so dreadfully lonely. Each mother (and father) deals with the hurt differently. It doesn’t help that our hormones are completely out of whack during this emotional season as well.
It’s just plain awful. There is no way of sugar-coating the situation. This is a time that many women need the love and support of family and friends. Most people mean well, but truly just don’t know what to say in the situation. Saying the wrong thing can cause hurt feelings. I remember just being in a daze and not even knowing how or what I needed during the time. I wanted to just stay in bed and weep.
I’ve been guilty of saying the wrong thing to other women before I actually went through this experience first hand. I pray these words of wisdom will help you to be able to minister to those in need, and they will feel the hand of Jesus during this so lonely, confusing, and difficult time.
5 Things to NEVER Say to a Friend After Miscarriage
- It happened for a reason. Please don’t say that. We loved our baby regardless of the situation. For those of us that are Christians, we already know that this is God’s plan, but it doesn’t make the loss any less significant. We will never hold our baby on this side of heaven.
- Time will heal. I admit, time does ease the pain, but time will never allow me to forget the baby that was growing inside of me. It’s a loss that scarred my heart. I look forward to the day we will unite in Heaven.
- At least you can get pregnant. I can’t tell you what a blow this is to a grieving mother. Yes, I was able to get pregnant, but my body wasn’t allowing me to sustain the pregnancy. This resulted in numerous miscarriages and heartbreak.
- You should be grateful for the healthy children you do have. Of course, we love our children and feel blessed with the ones that we are currently raising, but this baby was part of our family, too. We loved and cherished this precious gift.
- At least, you miscarried early on in your pregnancy. I have miscarried at various stages of my pregnancies, and the pain is still gruesome regardless of how many weeks pregnant I was. There still was a baby growing inside my womb that was created by God whether it was four or twelve weeks.
Just saying, “I’m so sorry” is a sufficient way to respond to a grieving friend.
Just love her.
Just let her grieve, while being there for her.
Just give her time to mourn.
If you or a loved one is grieving the loss of an unborn child, Silent Grief, is a book that will encourage and help heal the pain of a devasting miscarriage. The author, Kendra D. Graber, shares her own personal testimony about multiple miscarriages, inspirational scriptures, and has included many others women’s miscarriage stories. It’s a true blessing.
And if you want to go a step further, you can purchase the Silent Grief gift set for a dear friend in need. It includes the book, a journal, magnet, and a beautiful bookmark. It’s truly something your friend will treasure for a lifetime.
Have you ever had to deal with the pain of losing your baby due to a miscarriage? If so, I’m truly sorry for your loss, sweet sister.
Please know you are loved and not alone.